I’m a weirdo...in my own way...because I
always talk to myself in English (that’s how I practise my English actually).
And I usually have tonnes of really interesting stuffs to tell, but my
weakening mind (smoking doesn’t really help that by the way) would usually
forgot what I’d concocted inside my brain the day before.
Today’s events made me thinking about
friendship. How do we perceive and approach friendship when we started to know
a new person? Before getting to that, let me tell about my parents first. My
parents are from different worlds apart. Miles apart. My father is a gentle,
kind-hearted, trusting and quite a reserved person. My mum on the other hand is
a bit pessimistic type kind-of-a-person, a bit leery and outspoken. Not that
I’m saying she’s not a kind person, but that’s how she is in nature. So, I’d
grown up seeing two different people and how they perceive and treat their
friends from a two, very opposite approach.
Until this point of my life, I’m a bit like my
father. When I meet new people, I always try to accept them with an open heart.
I’m trying to see the good attributes that they have and try to build a good
rapport with them. I mean, isn’t that what we learn from books, from our
religion, from common sense? Judge the book not by its cover? See the good
inside and not judging them from their past? I would imagine that’s how our prophet
would behave. You befriend somebody with
honesty and an open heart, not because you want to gain something from them or
getting some sort of benefits from them. That’s just wrong. And my heart just
can’t accept that.
But then I experienced what my father had
to endure in his life; his friends sucking the life out of him. It’s because the way I perceive friendship.
My take is this; if I am going to be your friend, I accepted the friendship
because I see the good in you and that I truly believe that you’re a good
person. But I also accepted your flaws, your imperfections as human being and
try to adapt to those. But then repeatedly, I got screwed by friends exactly because
of this. By friends who took advantage of my inability to repel their flaws.
And when I get screwed by them, I don’t retaliate much since I always try to
accept the fact that it was partly my fault for not having the strength to
prevent it from happening.
These past few months, I think I’ve changed
a bit. Maybe a tad bit like how my mum sees in people. See the negatives in
people first. See what kind potentials that they have to make your life harder,
or in any way screw you. I hate doing that but being screwed by people recently
really made me angry and that makes me looking at people a little bit more
negatively. And that’s a bit of a dilemma for me. How do you approach this
issue? Do you start positively or negatively? I’m a Muslim and from what I’ve
learned from our prophet, you know, be nice. But then you also know that people
are dumb, ignorant, and selfish and they have all the potentials to be these.
Maybe not intentionally but circumstantially, usually, maybe. People will
always try to reasoning their action when they’re doing wrong, making it
believable to them that it’s ok. That it’s not a sin to do so. So that they
don’t have to feel guilty when they’re doing something that is clearly not the
right thing to do.
I’m glad though, that even when I got
screwed, at least I found some few friends that I hold dearly to me because they truly befriended me
unconditionally, accepting my flaws when I can do the same to them.
I’m still pissed off, by the way.....
