Feelin' Blue

Blue
You're blue — the most soothing shade of the spectrum. The color of a clear summer sky or a deep, reflective ocean, blue has traditionally symbolized trust, solitude, and loyalty. Most likely a thoughtful person who values spending some time on your own, you'd rather connect deeply with a few people than have a bunch of slight acquaintances. Luckily, making close friends isn't that hard, since people are naturally attracted to you — they're soothed by your calming presence. Cool and collected, you rarely overreact. Instead, you think things through before coming to a decision. That level-headed, thoughtful approach to life is patently blue — and patently you!






Your true color is Blue!


What's Your True Color?

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Tribute To My Mum

As I'm writing this, my mum is resting well in PPUM, just after her kidney got removed in an operation last Monday. Kinda bums me out, in a way. I love my mum...well, she's the only mother I ever have.

But you know what, my relationship with my mum is not what I can call as normal. I'm more afraid of her than anyone else in this world, I crap you not. And she annoyed me all the time back then since my days as a growing child. But I can't really blame her for that. My dad was having problems with his business as I was growing up...thus, I always get a tick in the head for any little wrong things I could've done, or what wrong things my dad did. You see, I'm the only male available at home when my father was not around.....can you imagine that? Don't be like this, don't do like that, don't follow like what my father did etc etc....

Man, I hated her when I was a kid. I can't lie about that. And partly because I thought she really hated me as a son. What the hell did I do wrong anyway?

One thing I inherited from my dad is having a cool head and never give out verdicts without giving a really deep thought about anything. But sometimes I think I have that short fuse mentality from my mum as well...I don't know...depends what subject that is, of course.

But I have to give it to her a big salute. She practically raised us kids and at the same time earned majority of the money flowing into our house. Not that I'm trying to belittle my father but we agreed on both terms that his luck wasn't the best you can imagine.

And now, here I am, nearly 27 years old...without a proper certificate bearing my name and I'm trying hard just to survive. Yet, since my father died 3 years ago, I've been the pillar of my family, whilst trying hard to ease the pain of my mum facing cancer.

On one hand, I've disappointed her by not being a really successful person like she would've hoped but on another hand, at least my failures had enabled me to be close to her and take care of her whenever she needed me. It broke my heart everytime when I don't even have the money to pay for our electric bills, yet alone to bring food into the house and my mum would quietly give me the money to buy groceries from the market. Yet, I do whatever I can do as a son to give her peace and ease in her dying days. Hard to swallow that fact, I'm telling ya' but that's what I'm facing everyday right now.

You know, she's not pissed off at me anymore and at least that's an encouraging thought.


-¥in-
(I hate writing sometimes, you know)

You're Stewwwpid..

Ekspresi diri,
hati dan fikiran berbantah-bantah,
akal terlalu pantas berfikir,
tulisan dan kata-kata tak dapat mengejar,
tak dapat menyalur idea dan imaginasi...
Kita cuma si penakut,
yang tak berani memberi peluang,
pada diri sendiri,
tidak sedar,
akan peluang yang hilang sebegitu sahaja,
kerana kebodohan diri…

”Dah tua pun bodoh!”*


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*Quotation by Allahyarham Tan Sri P.Ramlee from Madu Tiga*

P.s- hearing love songs during electrical lecture and writing your
thoughts at the same time are not really helping.. (2000)

Car of the week

Been hit by a Toyota freakin' Prado, that is...I did not drive it though....alas, if it was me, the guy who did this will pray that he never did...

Mai Flen En Ai

“Abang tengah buat apa?”.......

“Er...Abang tengah dengar lagu,” kataku kepada adik kecil yang tiba-tiba menyapaku sedang aku asyik mengelamun tadi.

“Nak dengar ke?”, tambahku sambil menyuakan senyuman kepadanya.

“Nak!”, lompatnya dan terus sahaja dia duduk di sebelahku. Aku mengambil ‘earphone’ yang tersumbat di telinga kiriku, lalu ku letakkan lembut ke telinga adik kecil yang tersengih-sengih kepadaku itu. Girang sahaja lakunya bila dapat mendengar bunyi yang menggeletek gegendang telinganya itu, sambil dia tertawa-tawa kecil.

“Kuat sangat pulak bunyinya, Ada yang pekak anak orang ni karang”, bisik hatiku, lalu ku perlahankan sedikit paras bunyi ‘walkman’ yang ku pegang. Aku mengikut-mengikut henjutan badannya yang terikut-ikut rentak lagu yang kami dengar, sambil kami masing-masing tersenyum pada suasana aman yang kami nikmati.

Adik kecil yang tak takut dengan diriku. Selalunya budak-budak kecil sebaya dengan umurnya akan lari atau menangis bila sahaja akucuba menegur. Entahlah, mungkin susuk tubuhku yang terlalu besar menakutkan mereka.

Di tengah-tengah kesibukan kenduri kahwin di rumah saudaraku ini, aku dan sahabat kecil yang tak ku kenali ini hanya sekadar duduk di anak tangga rumah. Kami dan dunia kami. Aku dengan masalah-masalahku, angan-anganku yang tak kesampaian dan sahabat kecilku ini yang tak menilaiku dari rupa parasku, mahupun takut untuk menjadi sahabatku. Walaupun untuk seketika.....



-kenangan lama-

-¥in-