Tribute To My Mum

As I'm writing this, my mum is resting well in PPUM, just after her kidney got removed in an operation last Monday. Kinda bums me out, in a way. I love my mum...well, she's the only mother I ever have.

But you know what, my relationship with my mum is not what I can call as normal. I'm more afraid of her than anyone else in this world, I crap you not. And she annoyed me all the time back then since my days as a growing child. But I can't really blame her for that. My dad was having problems with his business as I was growing up...thus, I always get a tick in the head for any little wrong things I could've done, or what wrong things my dad did. You see, I'm the only male available at home when my father was not around.....can you imagine that? Don't be like this, don't do like that, don't follow like what my father did etc etc....

Man, I hated her when I was a kid. I can't lie about that. And partly because I thought she really hated me as a son. What the hell did I do wrong anyway?

One thing I inherited from my dad is having a cool head and never give out verdicts without giving a really deep thought about anything. But sometimes I think I have that short fuse mentality from my mum as well...I don't know...depends what subject that is, of course.

But I have to give it to her a big salute. She practically raised us kids and at the same time earned majority of the money flowing into our house. Not that I'm trying to belittle my father but we agreed on both terms that his luck wasn't the best you can imagine.

And now, here I am, nearly 27 years old...without a proper certificate bearing my name and I'm trying hard just to survive. Yet, since my father died 3 years ago, I've been the pillar of my family, whilst trying hard to ease the pain of my mum facing cancer.

On one hand, I've disappointed her by not being a really successful person like she would've hoped but on another hand, at least my failures had enabled me to be close to her and take care of her whenever she needed me. It broke my heart everytime when I don't even have the money to pay for our electric bills, yet alone to bring food into the house and my mum would quietly give me the money to buy groceries from the market. Yet, I do whatever I can do as a son to give her peace and ease in her dying days. Hard to swallow that fact, I'm telling ya' but that's what I'm facing everyday right now.

You know, she's not pissed off at me anymore and at least that's an encouraging thought.


-¥in-
(I hate writing sometimes, you know)